I find it ironic that during one of the most generally peaceful times in my life I am so aware of how much sorrow there is in the world. My job exposes me to situations in which kids are put in foster care, parents just can't stay sober, people experience death and grief and illness, and just so many variations of these situations. No one is exempt from this suffering. I work with people that range in age from 2 to the 40-somethings, and everybody has their story. It's hard sometimes trying to not carry those burdens around myself.
I just read a story in the Chico ER that a Chico State student was killed by a tree limb unexpectedly falling on her head. I had to read and re-read it to believe it. A tree limb?? I picture this girl just starting her first week of school and maybe she just sat on the bench between classes to kill time. She was probably full of hope and life and so excited to be working towards her goals. Who the hell thinks they might die sitting on a bench under a tree at school? And yet I know God knew this would happen and I guess it was her time to go, but it's just so freaky. Dustin just started at Chico State yesterday, it could have been him just as easily as her. Just another of many reminders of how fragile life is.
I have been exposed to a lot of death at my job lately and it's bringing up reminders of my mom and Carrisa. I've been handling it okay so far. That's one thing I'm pretty good at in my job - separating my personal and professional life. But you can never fully check your emotional baggage at the door. In fact, it's sometimes my baggage that I'd like to think helps me relate to and help my clients. But at other times it makes me feel totally incompetent.
So please pray for my clients' sakes that I can continue my personal and professional growth as a therapist because there is just too much sadness in the world for this counselor to carry around on her shoulders. Need to take care of myself. But most of all, those of you I'm closer too, please keep me accountable to talk about these things. Sometimes I get into auto-pilot but I need good friends to pull me out of it. My heart is just heavy and sometimes I need to unload it. Writing about it is a good start.
