Lent was easier than I thought it would be. I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to adjust my lifestyle to one of not even thinking about alcohol most days, because I knew it wasn't an option. But the last couple weeks have probably been the hardest, just because I know the end is in sight and it made me impatient. I didn't think about it everyday, but it was hardest when I was around other people drinking socially and I wanted to be in on the fun. But you'd be surprised how a virgin margarita can still make you feel like one of the girls, I still had a lot of fun with my mocktails. =)
But I haven't forgotten the reason for Lent - that we're resisting temptation as a small representation of Jesus' temptation in the dessert for 40 days, and also anticipating his sacrifice on the cross. Seems silly to compare the sacrifice of alcohol to the sacrifices of Jesus, but at least it puts His sacrifice into perspective for me!
This got me thinking - if alcohol is the only real sacrifice in my life right now, then life must be pretty good! I've been so amazed at how God has directed my life in both subtle and not-so-subtle ways, but I feel like I've never been happier. So I'm compiling a list in which God has directed me, despite my insistence on my life going a different way. In other words, things I did kicking and screaming that ended up shaping me in to the person I am, and giving me the life I love now.
The structure is as follows:
How I envisioned live my life ---> How God directed my life
I just want to get married by the time I'm 30, no rush! -->
Engaged at 19, married at 21.
I'm leaving this podunk town and NEVER coming back! --> Moved to Paradise again in 2009, now realize I love Chico and want to stay in this area indefinitely.
I will NEVER ask my dad to support me, I'm an independent adult. --> Moved back in with my Dad for 9 months, relied on his generosity to prevent homelessness.
I will NEVER go to graduate school, that is too much work! -->
Went to grad school and LOVED it.
I don't EVER want to be a therapist, I'm just doing this MFT thing to get a job at Butte College that pays $42/hr! --->
Fell in love with therapy, now make only a fraction of that salary, and LOVE what I do.
I would never choose to work with kids or teenagers in therapy
--> Now work primarily with kids, pleasantly surprised I'm starting to like it!
I'm going to work at Catalyst! --> Um, no I'm not.
Counseling Solutions is scary and no way I can do this job -->
Hey, look at me, I'm doing this job!
I will probably always be a minority as a Christian in my field -->
Now both of my bosses are Christian MFTs.
I'm sure there's more that I'm not thinking of, but it's so ironic to think of how much energy I spend planning out my life, only to find that not only does God have a different plan, but I eventually come to LOVE the plan! Even the hard stuff like feeling humiliated about me and Dustin having to move in with my dad ended up shaping the both of us into the people we are today. In fact, that was just push Dustin needed to get back into school. Dustin's life went something like this:
I will work at APC (Associated Pension Consultants) and enjoy what I do and make good money -->
Quit after coming to hate his job, felt lost and without direction.
I don't enjoy college, I won't ever get a 4 year degree -->
Now he's transferring to Chico State in the fall as an engineering major.
The funny thing is, despite all we've been through financially and otherwise in the last near-7 years of marriage, our relationship has only gotten stronger. I don't think we've ever been better than we are right now. Hardship can either drive people apart or pull them closer together, and we chose the latter.
So to summarize: great marriage, great job, happy with life, looking forward to the future.
I'm sure I'll continue to make plans, but now I'm starting to understand that it's okay if they don't all come to fruition. Sometimes God has better plans in store.
My only set plan for now is an Easter of mimosas, and that's perfectly fine with me.
